Parenting is a beautiful, challenging mix of moments that fill our hearts with joy and others that test our patience. One of the most trying aspects is teaching thankfulness to ungrateful or entitled children.
Whether it’s a young child upset about not getting the “best thing” or a teenager complaining about material things, it’s easy to wonder: Am I doing something wrong as a parent?
Every parent wants their child to have a good attitude, appreciate the little things, and develop meaningful gratitude. But teaching thankfulness takes hard work, consistency, and patience.
Understanding the Ungrateful Phase
It’s important to recognize that ungrateful behavior is a normal part of child development. All kids, at some point, will show a lack of gratitude—whether they’re a toddler or a teenager. This doesn’t mean they’re destined to become ungrateful adults; it simply means they are still learning.
While it may feel like a big deal in the moment, ungrateful children, including ungrateful teenagers, often lack the maturity to fully grasp what gratitude really means.
As homeschool mom and parenting expert Durenda Wilson shares, gratitude is something that grows over time, especially during the early years.
When your child is more concerned with getting the next birthday present or the latest toy, they’re not necessarily being an ungrateful brat—they’re still learning how to express gratitude appropriately.
Real-Life Examples of Ungrateful Behavior
Ungrateful behavior can take many forms, and it often surprises parents who don’t see this modeled in their own homes. A five-year-old might refuse to share toys with younger siblings, or a teenager might roll their eyes when asked to help with dinner. Special occasions, like Christmas or birthdays, might trigger these moments, as children focus more on what they didn’t receive rather than appreciating what they did.
In my home, I’ve experienced this firsthand. My youngest daughter, who’s six, can be quite sassy at times. She’s the youngest of nine, so I’ve seen this behavior before in my older children.
In the past, I might have felt embarrassed or overwhelmed by it, but now, with more experience, I recognize that this behavior is simply a stage. It’s not a reflection of me as a parent, but a reflection of her learning process.
Tackling Ungrateful Behavior Head-On
When faced with an ungrateful attitude in your home, it’s natural to want to address it. But instilling gratitude doesn’t need to involve grand gestures or formal family meetings. Often, it’s the small, intentional changes that can have the biggest impact.
Here are some simple and effective ways to deal with ungrateful children:
- Model Gratitude: The best way to teach gratitude is by modeling it. Let your kids see you express gratitude for everyday things—whether it’s a meal, a kind gesture, or just spending time together.
- Gratitude Journal: Encourage your child to write down or draw one thing they’re thankful for each day. Over time, they’ll start to notice the small blessings in their lives.
- Random Acts of Kindness: Inspire your child to give back, whether by donating to a homeless shelter or helping a neighbor. These actions help them see the impact they can have on others.
- Love Language: Understanding your child’s love language can guide you in teaching thankfulness in a way that resonates with them.
- Conversations About Help: In our family, we make a point of discussing the many times people have helped us—whether through providing clothes, meals, or even vacations. Sharing these moments of kindness reminds our children of the blessings we’ve received.
Building Gratitude: It Takes Time
When you make the decision to focus on gratitude, don’t expect an overnight transformation. Your kids may resist or even seem more negative at first. Change takes time, and consistency is key.
I’ve noticed this in my own family. With my older children, now adults, I’ve seen how gratitude eventually took root in their hearts. It’s easier to stay calm when one of my younger children shows ungrateful behavior, knowing that, with time and patience, they too will develop a grateful mindset.
Years ago, one of my daughters struggled with feeling thankful despite being given so much. She could only focus on what she didn’t have. It wasn’t until she got a job and experienced earning money for herself that she began to appreciate the generosity of others.
Sometimes, children lack the context to understand why they should be grateful, and as parents, it’s our job to provide that context through experiences and conversations.
Practical Ways to Cultivate Gratitude
Regardless of your child’s age—whether they’re five or in the 5th grade—there are plenty of ways to intentionally practice gratitude in your family:
- Holiday Giving: Encourage your child to make gifts for others during the holiday season, shifting their focus from receiving to giving.
- Make A Gratitude Tree: One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is making a Gratitude tree for the Holiday Season!
- Dinner Table Conversations: Take time during meals to share what you’re grateful for as a family. These simple moments can have a lasting impact.
- Giving Their Own Money: Teach your child to spend their own money on gifts or acts of kindness. This helps them understand the value of giving, rather than always receiving.
- Volunteering: Volunteer opportunities allow teens to see real-world needs and develop a genuine sense of gratitude for their own lives.
Why Are Children Ungrateful?
There are several reasons why children may act ungrateful:
- Young Age: Children are naturally self-centered in their early years because they are still developing empathy and understanding.
- Too Much Stuff: In today’s consumer-driven world, children can be overwhelmed by an abundance of toys and gadgets, leading them to take things for granted.
- Older Siblings: Younger children may mimic the ungrateful behavior they see in older siblings, especially during their teenage years.
- Unicorn Parent Syndrome: Parents who shield their children from every disappointment create unrealistic expectations, which can fuel ungrateful attitudes.
Teaching Thankfulness Takes Time
Teaching thankfulness is not a one-time lesson but a lifelong practice. As parents, we’re playing the long game. Gratitude is a life skill that will benefit our children for years to come, helping them form good relationships and appreciate the little things.
Even when it seems like your efforts aren’t making a difference, remember that the seeds of gratitude take time to grow. Be consistent in modeling thankfulness and offering gentle reminders.
Your children will one day grow into adults who want to cultivate gratitude—and that is something no amount of material things can replace.
Free Gratitude Challenge
To help you out, I’ve created a simple 30 Day Gratitude Challenge Printable. Each person in your family should have their own printable. At dinner time or bedtime, let your kids write what they are thankful for that day. There is enough space on the printable to let your kids write what they are thankful for that day.
At TenMinuteMomentum.com , Sarah McCubbin helps parents teach their kids valuable life skills, social skills and leadership skills to prepare them to step confidently into adulthood. She is also a homeschool group consultant helping homeschool co-ops set up and run their groups. She and her husband have 9 kids ages 6 to 22 in live in Northeast Ohio.
