“Don’t forget to say, ‘Thank you’!”
That’s probably come out of your mouth many times as a parent in the attempt to help teach your kids how to show gratitude to others & move beyond behavior modification. I’ve done this myself! But this is exactly where the problem lies. Although well-meaning, we parents often focus more on helping our kids show gratitude but don’t necessarily spend enough time actually cultivating genuine, gospel-centered gratitude that flows from transformed hearts.
Habitual Gratitude: The Surface-Level Approach
There clearly isn’t anything wrong with teaching – and even requiring – our children to say “thank you” and the like! In fact, good manners and social graces are an essential part of the child-rearing process. However, as Christian parents, we want to make sure we don’t just train our children in being masters of reflexive, polite responses that lack sincerity. Even worse, we don’t want our kids to show gratitude merely based on rewards or fear of reprimand, which, unfortunately, many parents unintentionally foster!
Granted, it is easy to focus on behavior modification in parenting because we want to see immediate results. We just want our kids to be “good”! But we have to remember that there is only ONE who is good – Jesus – and that heart change takes time as well as the power of the Holy Spirit.
Gospel-Centered Gratitude: A Heart Transformed by the Holy Spirit
Deep, genuine gratitude comes not from obligation or habit, but as a response to the grace and love God showed through Jesus and the identity they get to have because of Him!
Which is why, more important than teaching expressions of gratitude, we need to teach our kids the gospel if we want to raise them to possess sincere gratitude! Even as you train them up in necessary social graces, do not neglect to impart to them God’s big story, the concept of sin and its consequences, what they really deserve in light of who God is (holy and just!), and how Jesus came to rescue and redeem them.
When we help our kids understand the gospel and what it should mean to them, this paves way for the Holy Spirit to do real, transformational work in their lives. The objective here is not to raise up soldiers of good habits but to endeavor to nurture soft hearts … and when that happens – when we prioritize imparting God’s grace and goodness to our kids – their hearts will naturally overflow with humbled thankfulness!
Practical Ways to Nurture Gospel-Centered Gratitude
Okay, this all sounds great, but HOW do we do this as parents?
You want to model it yourself in the everyday crevices of your life
Don’t just give thanks at the dinner table before meals. Praise Him throughout the day for His faithfulness in even seemingly mundane or trivial things. As well, don’t just thank Him when good things happen … in fact, in the more challenging seasons and circumstances of life, you can praise Him, acknowledging that those kinds of situations can be God’s gracious gift of refining your character and sanctifying you for His purpose.
Encourage your children to reflect
\Whether at home or in the car, don’t let the busyness of life rob you from engaging in conversations with your kids. You can ask things like, “What are you thankful for today that only God can give?” or “How have you seen God’s love in your day?” These questions foster an awe and wonder over how God is working in ordinary, everyday moments as well as help you build relationship-bonds with your children as you also share your answers.
Keep pointing your kids to Jesus and how much all of you need Him!
There is peace, joy, and hope that comes from remembering who Jesus is, what He has done for us, and who we get to be because of Him! More than teaching habits of our faith or behavior modification, let’s help them build a relationship with the one who our faith is established on … if we can do that, everything else will fall into place.
Navigating Challenges: When Gratitude Doesn’t Come Naturally
Fostering gospel-centered gratitude is a process, not a quick fix. There will be times when your kids simply express thankfulness out of habit, and that is okay, especially if they are younger! And, frankly, the reality of our human nature means that there will be many times our kids will want to fight against even thinking about being thankful!
The important thing is not behavior modification, but stay diligent and consistent over the years of imparting gospel truths and God’s goodness to the everyday crevices of your family’s life. By God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, He will do the work of growing genuine gratitude in their hearts.
We have to remember that we are simply stewards, called to partner with The Greater Parent, doing our imperfect best. He will do the rest.
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Pauline Cook is a Christian unschooling / lifeschooling mama who loves learning and growing together with her crew in The Bigger Story. She is also passionate about raising gospel-powered kids. Read her blog at her website COOKing Up Adventures and follow her on Instagram.
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