Friendships & Community

Since we’ve moved back to Texas, Steve & I are still looking for a place to plug in.  We’ve tried several ministries at church, but nothing fits.

Bible study leader.
Mentor couple.
Home church.
Backyard Bible Club teacher.

(in)RL meetup - momsI’ve attended our church since 1981, but don’t feel like there’s a place for me.  It’s a huge community with lots of opportunities.  Since I am now an empty nester, I have more time to reach out to others.  I’ve told groups of young moms that I’d love to babysit or have their family for dinner. Everyone laughs and says they’d love that.

But, they are too busy to get together.
They are too busy on facebook, blogs, pinterest.
They are too busy to help others at the spur of the moment.

So, I moved online & created this blog in hopes of ministering to others.  Although, I’ve made some friendships online . . .

I long for a local, spiritual community.

Recently, Steve & I found SHIP  and participated in their San Salvadoran mission trip. What a high!  It was a wonderful place for us to “give”.

Yet, I still long for a local, spiritual community.

(in)RL meetup - friendships-communityI’m putting myself out there and a bit scared to host the (in)RL meetup on Saturday, April 27.

What if no one comes?
What if no one talks?
What if no one likes chocolate? (just kidding!)

Once I hosted a dessert for a friend going on the mission field…and no one came.  Zip. Zero.

I’ve also hosted a homeschool mom coffee and invited lots of people.  Only 2 came.

It hurts. Am I that weird?  Do I not belong?

Yet, I still long for a local, spiritual community.

I know God made us to be a part of community – an ‘in real life’ community, where we help each other in the good & bad times.  So, I’m stepping out in faith…with my very good friend, Susan, and hosting a coffee.

Susan is my friend that showed up at my house in November when I could barely walk across the room. While she was there, I asked my son to stop at the grocery store for hair color.  Susan told Hunter to call her if he couldn’t find what I wanted.  She was willing to go shopping for me since I couldn’t drive.

That’s the kind of friendship I need. How about you?

If you live near Bryan/College Station, Texas, I’d love for you to join us for coffee on April 26.  Click here for the invite.

If you don’t live near me, find a meetup near you by clicking here.   Over 1500 women have rsvp’d to meet worldwide on Sat, April 27.

Get offline & meet people in real life.


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9 Comments

  1. YES!! This! I heard on the radio, about social media, “Creating friendships a million miles wide and 2 inches deep.”. I know wonderful connections are made online but I think people are getting false sense of relationships/friendships too. I feel like that “weirdo” sometimes too. I’m not perfect, but I reach out often. When people wont/dont respond it hurts. Sometimes I don’t even get the rejection, which I’d prefer than the silence. I have been praying for a mentor from church but I’m afraid to ask because I don’t want to burden already busy moms. I’m, frankly, a little sick of everyone acting/being entirely too busy to have real life relationships. Wish I lived closer, I’d come in a heartbeat!

    1. I wish you lived closer, too. I think that (especially) young people think online friendships are the same as offline. But an online friendship, can’t babysit your kids when you need help, nor can they bring a meal when you have a family emergency. I will pray for you to find a mentor nearby.

  2. Dear Kerry, I know EXACTLY how you feel. We’ve been at our church for almost 33 years, and I’ve experienced many of the same things you posted about above.

    Wish I could come to your iRL event, but even if I lived near you, I couldn’t. I have acquired MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities) which severely limit my participation in many activities. (I just wish that was the cause of my understanding what you are feeling.) I’d love to have someone besides my dear husband who cared (not to minimize my husband; don’t know what I’d do without him).

    I know we are to lean on the Lord, but this wilderness has all the earmarks of being like the 40 year wandering of the Israelites… and, as the frightened child said to her mother during the storm, sometimes you feel like you “just need someone with skin on.”

    Thanks for sharing… now how do I tell my church?

    1. Kay,
      Thanks for your honest reply. It can feel like you are the only one who understands. I was having coffee with my friend, Susan (mentioned above) and was quickly reminded of how much we “do” need someone with skin on. I will pray for your situation, especially with your church.

  3. Wow. I so feel you on this one. Sometimes, I feel like a luddite because I am a little wary of online stuff. We moved to my husband’s hometown two weeks after our first was born (Two weeks!!! YIKES!). She’ll be two years old in just a week, and we’ve already added a second baby to our family.

    I AM busy. Life IS super hectic. …but I still wish I had true friends nearby. Even if those friends only had time for getting together once a month, it’d be comforting to know that I wasn’t days away from someone I could connect with, if need be.

    I’m naturally a loner and like a lot of alone time. I’m not the type to feel that I need to have someone with me to go shopping or to a movie. (In fact, I prefer to do things like that alone.) However, when I’m with people, I like to be fully present and I like them to be also. I feel as if a lot of women I meet hold themselves at a distance, if that makes sense.

    It’s hard. I don’t know if other moms are afraid of letting others see the messy real life stuff, or what.

    I keep hoping and praying that I eventually meet some ladies that I click with.

    1. Jenny, I so appreciate your sincere reply. You are in a busy time of life with 2 little ones. Just getting 3 meals ready each day can be tiring 🙂
      You might look on the map and see if there is a meetup near you. Here’s the link: http://www.incourage.me/inrl-host#attending

      I will be praying you find one or two other moms to be lifelong friends.

  4. Unfortunately, Unfortunately there isn’t. BUT I should probably be in attendance for my daughter’s second birthday party any way!;)

    Is this something that will be done again? Because if so, maybe I could actually host one. (Although the thought of what our house would need in the way of cleaning might give me hives if I had time to think about it!)

    Just curious. Sorry if it is somewhere on the site and I don’t see it. 🙂

  5. Kerry,
    What you expressed is exactly how I feel! I’m new to TX and new to being a single woman after 36 years of marriage. I don’t feel like I fit anywhere. Young women are busy and I feel out of place with couples. I too can’t find a fit that feels right at our large church. My effort to connect with our SHIP family is where I have reached out. Looking forward to this Saturday :-). Thanks for opening up your home and being emotionally transparent
    Vicky K

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